Dear Pointy-Headed Martinets:
I just turned off the NPR program "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me", a show that quizzes people on news from the previous week. I quit listening after the third time I heard the name of my Lord Jesus Christ used in a profane manner.
Based on profiles released by DHS, the FBI and the DoD, I know my unwillingness to listen to government funded denigration of Christianity marks me as a domestic terrorist. Okay, if that's how you see me, I guess I'll have to live with it.
Since I'm a glass-half-full kind of guy, though, I have some questions. I noticed that you gummint types armed the al Qaeda faction in Libya that destabilized their country and murdered U.S. diplomats.
Would it be possible for you to send me -- as one whom you consider a terrorist -- a case of AK-47's and several thousand rounds of ammo? Full auto would be nice, but that would require more ammo. This would be a lot of fun for me and some guys I know to shoot at the range.
Now, if part of the deal is that I have to agree to kill U.S. personnel, I couldn't do that. My religious devotion -- the same devotion that marks me as a terrorist -- does not allow me to kill other human beings, except in self defense.
I hope my unwillingness to commit murder does not disqualify me from receiving the weapons, because I love to go plinking. I might be able to participate in a riot, though, as long as I don't have to hurt anyone. Does that count?
Also, as one whom you identify as a terrorist, I wonder if I'm eligible for a portion of the money you are paying to terrorists in Egypt as a bribe not to kill Americans. This seems like a natural for me, since I don't want to kill anyone, anyway.
I realize that being a domestic terrorist may prove a roadblock to my receiving this kind of aid. But I am willing to relocate to a some nasty, unamerican foreign place, like Massachusetts or Chicago, if that will qualify me for the arms and money..
Sincerely,
Gravelbelly
P.S. As long as I'm asking, could you throw in a few rocket launchers? That would really go over big with the guys down at the range
I just turned off the NPR program "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me", a show that quizzes people on news from the previous week. I quit listening after the third time I heard the name of my Lord Jesus Christ used in a profane manner.
Based on profiles released by DHS, the FBI and the DoD, I know my unwillingness to listen to government funded denigration of Christianity marks me as a domestic terrorist. Okay, if that's how you see me, I guess I'll have to live with it.
Since I'm a glass-half-full kind of guy, though, I have some questions. I noticed that you gummint types armed the al Qaeda faction in Libya that destabilized their country and murdered U.S. diplomats.
Would it be possible for you to send me -- as one whom you consider a terrorist -- a case of AK-47's and several thousand rounds of ammo? Full auto would be nice, but that would require more ammo. This would be a lot of fun for me and some guys I know to shoot at the range.
Now, if part of the deal is that I have to agree to kill U.S. personnel, I couldn't do that. My religious devotion -- the same devotion that marks me as a terrorist -- does not allow me to kill other human beings, except in self defense.
I hope my unwillingness to commit murder does not disqualify me from receiving the weapons, because I love to go plinking. I might be able to participate in a riot, though, as long as I don't have to hurt anyone. Does that count?
Also, as one whom you identify as a terrorist, I wonder if I'm eligible for a portion of the money you are paying to terrorists in Egypt as a bribe not to kill Americans. This seems like a natural for me, since I don't want to kill anyone, anyway.
I realize that being a domestic terrorist may prove a roadblock to my receiving this kind of aid. But I am willing to relocate to a some nasty, unamerican foreign place, like Massachusetts or Chicago, if that will qualify me for the arms and money..
Sincerely,
Gravelbelly
P.S. As long as I'm asking, could you throw in a few rocket launchers? That would really go over big with the guys down at the range
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